But the two weirdest have to be a monster-filled, fig-leaf-bikini-clad, vampires-dancing-with-skeletons-and-people-wearing-bear-masks ?bite the apple? number that takes place after an earthquake in Hell and, later, an oh-so-?70s swinger sex ...

It's the middle of January, and heat-seeking bikini bombshells carpet the beach, bronzing the winter pallor from their pampered flesh. There's a special buzz in the air that grows louder as the beautiful people get amped for another night of seeing ...

That?s because in 10,000 B.C. there were only two women around. And one of them was old and freaky and didn?t even have the good taste to fashion herself a bikini out of animal pelts. Also? Gays built the pyramids. Always making pretty things ...